Published Oct. 24 2017 at ZekeFilm in anticipation of the second season of the Netflix drama.
Everything an Ambitious Demogorgon Needs to Know in the World of Stranger Things
Congrats! You’re a Demogorgon making the big move out of the Upside Down!
While the Upside Down will always be home, moving your residence to the Right Side Up is a huge status upgrade, and we want to help you make the move without hassle. Because the U.S. Department of Energy has conveniently loosened border restrictions between our two dimensions in Hawkins, Indiana, this small town is becoming thedestination for Demogorgons looking for everything from a new permanent lair to the occasional midnight snack run.
But before wading through that messy, glowing web stuff to chomp up some prime real estate, consider these questions:
- Do you have any taste preferences or specific allergies to woodland creatures or teenagers that might severely limit a well-rounded diet?
- Are you ready to adapt to new locales with significantly less of that messy, glowing web stuff?
- Can you identify friendly residents as well as the ones more concerned with curbside appeal than welcoming new neighbors?
If you’re raising your eyebrows at any of these questions (do you have eyebrows?), here’s our guide to determining if Hawkins is the right home for you.
Think Hawkins doesn’t provide enough options to satisfy your thirst for blood? Think again!
Easy-to-target critters and barely-missed teenagers are abundant in the rural Midwest, and we’re not just talking about fresh road kill. With Hawkins Middle and Hawkins High right at the center of town, farm-to-table meals are available in minutes. Plus, our generous residents might not even make you foot the bill. Last fall, local teenager Barbara Holland was missing for two days before anyone noticed. Talk about dining and dashing!
Unlike some small towns, Hawkins offers plenty of activities ripe for Demogorgons. What we lack in messy, glowing web stuff, we make up for in small town charm.
Love a night on the town? Consider…
- Catching a bite and then catching the latest releases at the Hawk cinema, like All the Right Moves starring Hawkins’ own Nancy Wheeler
- Improving the reflexes of your spindly appendages at the arcade
- Putting those freakishly loud vocal chords to use cheering on the Hawkins High football team
More of an outdoorsy kind of ‘Gorg? Try…
- Taking in the scenic views at the Sattler Quarry. Keep your eyes (do you have eyes?) peeled for the edge of the cliff
- Sharpening your many rows of pearly whites on our spacious hunting grounds
- Digging your green talon thumbs into a backyard garden to plant your snake-like vines and slugs
One of the most challenging parts of moving is getting to know the community. We’ve assembled a Who’s Who of Hawkins to get your Rolodex started. These are the folks who will greet you with a casserole and help you get acquainted with the Neighborhood Association’s expectations for lawn care.
- Anyone at the U.S. Department of Energy – You might have heard rumors the last head of the department didn’t care for interdimensional immigrants. But let’s not forget who opened the gate between our two communities in the first place—they’ll definitely be calling you up to get to know you better!
- The Neighborhood Bullies – Not sure how to deal with pesky kids aiming their slingshots at your petal-lapeled mouth? Get to know Troy&James and Carol&TommyH., package deals if there ever were ones. They’ll distract anyone with their immature humor, casually racist insults, and pointless beer tricks. Bonus: If you’re hard-pressed for a snack, these are the teenage residents we’ll miss the least.
- Ted Wheeler – If he even notices you’ve moved in, he’ll likely believe anything you tell him, even that his children would be better off with you.
Unfortunately, not all of the citizens of Hawkins will warm up to your Venus flytrap grin. Here’s a quick rundown of those to steer clear of if you can, with a list of strengths and weaknesses if you can’t.
Chief Jim Hopper
- Strengths: Believes any and all conspiracy theories
- Weaknesses: Only spends mornings on coffee and contemplation
- Strengths: Near-insane determination, innovative decorating with Christmas lights
- Weaknesses: Determination unfairly perceived as motherly hysterics
Dustin, Mike, Lucas, and Will
- Strengths: As inseparable half-sized humans, these four have the wits and strengths of 2 people; own bikes that are the 7th grade-equivalent to Cadillacs
- Weaknesses: Easily distracted by pizza and 10-hour Dungeons & Dragons campaigns
- Strengths: Can work a bear trap, captures just the right (and creepiest) moments in his nighttime photography
- Weaknesses: A troubling penchant for Mom Jeans—not exactly the style leader you hope to see in Hawkins
- Strengths: Great hair, handy with a spiked bat
- Weaknesses: Perception of reality is questionable as he believes he looks like Tom Cruise
- Strengths: Highly intelligent, sure aim with a shotgun
- Weaknesses: Boys with great hair (and—potentially—ones with a troubling penchant for Mom Jeans)
RED ALERT. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS WITH NEGLIGIBLE WEAKNESSES.
Ready to Make the Move?
Whether you’re looking for a spot to vacation in the summers or one to wrap your branch-like claws around and call home, you’ve got everything you need to survive—nay, thrive!—in Hawkins with our handy guide.